Getting Around

A lot of things happen when I am not at the hospital and sometimes I get really great surprises when I get there. Last Friday I found Gary sitting in a chair, but not just any chair. He had been provided a motorized chair that he is able to operate by moving his head the technology is incredible to me. Saturday we checked out a pager and went outside with my brother Charlie. I guess he needs the pager just in case he decides to make a break for it, but we are pretty sure the battery would die before he got too close to downtown Neenah. The chair affords him some mobility but more importantly a little sense of control which I know he needs so badly. He can't scratch his own nose but he can choose to go visit a staff member or another patient on the unit, what a blessing that is.
I talked to a woman I know who had GBS 8 years ago and she said to me "you know, GBS means getting better slowly". And I do know that because no one will let you forget it, lest you would become discouraged about the slow progress. We choose to focus on the "getting better" part of GBS. Gary's recovery is progressive, building small sucessess one on top of another. Sunday Gary was not able to turn on the small toggle switch that powers up his chair, but yesterday he did. We are celebrating every little success. If sheer will and determination was all it took for Gary to get beyond his nerve damage and weakness he would skip out of rehabilitation tomorrow. Sadly, it is not so he presses on in faith and confidence that God has not left him nor forsaken him.

I struggle every year during this season. I am quite sure I was not really meant for Wisconsin winters and February is especially brutal for me. This year is no different and as badly as I do not want to sink into the darkness, I find myself there again. I read my devotional this evening after work and unruly dogs and garbage that needs to be taken out and yada yada. I am so sorry I waited because I am convinced that these words which I know were meant for me today would have reminded me of the place I really want to be on this journey, completely dependent on God. Jesus speaking..."You Need Me Every Moment....there are pitfalls you must be on guard against: self-pity, self-preoccupatuion, giving up. Your inadequacy presetns you with a continual choice-deep dependence on Me, or despair."
I wish I could say that I have not had bouts of self-pity and self-preoccuopation since Gary's illness began January 15, but that would not be true. I know that it is only in that deep dependence on God will I ever be able to continue to move forward and continue to climb this mountain that is before us.
We are so blessed and thankful for the crowd of people who are at the base of the mountain cheering us on in the form of prayers, kind and encouraging words and blessing us richly with gas cards and monetary gifts.
In sincere gratitude to God and those who He has used to bless us: I remain relentless after Him.
Monica